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When he was seeing her
You could see he had his doubts
And now he's missing her
Because he knows he's missing out
Now it's haunting him
The memories like a ghost
He's so terrified
Cause no one else even comes close
He's a guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake that he made back then
I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend
So then, along comes me,
This undeserving mess (undeserving mess)
Who would believe my life
Would be so blessed (life would be so blessed)
Two years ago
He left all that debris (left all that debris)
Who would of known
It would be everything I need
He's a guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake that he made back then
I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend
If it wasn't for him
I would still be searching
If it wasn't for him
I wouldn't know my best friend
If it wasn't for him
He would be able to see
If it wasn't for him
He would be as happy as me
She and I settled down you can bet
That he is going to have to settle for less
He's someone that I would hate to be
I got the girl and he's left with just the memory.
He's a guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake that he made back then
I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend
If it wasn't for him
I would still be searching
If it wasn't for him
I wouldn't know my best friend
If it wasn't for him
He would be able to see
If it wasn't for him
He would be as happy as me | | |
| Oh, the irony of this life.
One moment, happy and carefree- the next, you're slammed with new information you did not expect. What I want now is to rant towards one person what I cannot say IN person. However, I am convicted by my fear, and sin. Life hurts because we sin. We do this to ourselves. And yet, we want to turn and blame everyone else for our suffering. God provided the penalty for our sin, yet our sin still has consequences. Sometimes, God spares us. Sometimes, God does not. How can we get mad at anyone because we have to bear the consequences for our sin? Sometimes, we don't! Right now, I'm finishing off a box of peppermint patties- my consequences for eating for comfort will be the addition to my waist. I am at fault for things that happened to me in my past. Though I have forgiven those who helped, I have asked for forgiveness from God, and forgiven myself. Is it then that easy to let it go? A year and a half, almost two, wasted and scarring. Do I avoid because I fear pain, or have I just not asked for forgiveness, forgiven others, or forgiven myself of the sin in my life? Can all three of these happen and it still be difficult to talk about or think about? I still wake up weak and shield-less, and that opportunity is used to bring up my past. It's slammed in my face, and I begin the day begging for forgiveness. I begin feeling like dirt, like it was yesterday. Realizing my sin chokes me, even past sin. Can that sin resurface? Can that sin come back, because I am weak like a dumb sheep? Do I keep hitting the electrical fence just to wonder if it's still there? I'm being told that I'm hard, angry still, though my past has been gone for over a year. I cry out, "I'm not angry! I've only been hurting by my own part in sin!" My silence in addressing sin, though I hurt everyday because of it. I tear open my own wounds just to see if they still exist. I grieve over the loss of innocence, purity, and time. I spend my day convincing myself, I'm through! I'm done. I don't want this anymore. Yet, I get hit in the morning with doubt. Now, I sit, weighing the chance to set this right. But do I have the courage to face this? More importantly, do I have the courage to live life without this cold rock I've left in my heart? See, I've let this grow cold and hard, and what's it like to give that up? Can I live with everything resolved, can I live without holding onto my past and my faults? Where do I begin?
Oh, the irony.
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| why do people want to blog though they have nothing to say?
well, i'm still working on that.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
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| I AM BY FAR THE LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE.
:D
how did THAT happen??
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| Wow. I'm finally home. what has taken over 2 months to do is now continually summed up in 30 secs.
"How was your summer?"
"Great. Long. But wonderful. Glad to be home."
How do i put into words everything that has happened to me? God has done amazing things in my life and given me the chance to see him work in the lives of others. I hope God continues to open my eyes to the things he has done and will do. I hope I have changed. For the better. And I hope I can take that change and use it to better myself through this next year of school.
Whoot! School!
Thanks to all of you that have been praying and supporting and encouraging. If I have not made my way to say hi to you, stop me. I missed all of you! I will see most (or some) of you when we go back in a couple of weeks.
Wow.
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